Feeling Burnt Out? It’s Not You, It’s Your Nervous System. Here’s a Practical Fix.

I’ve spent a lot of my career in behavioral coaching and somatic work, and I see the same story over and over. I meet these incredibly successful people—from startup founders to creatives—and they’re all amazing at what they do. They’re driven, they’re capable… and they are completely exhausted. They often say it feels like running a powerful engine that’s constantly on the verge of overheating. If that sounds familiar, listen up: this is not a personal failure. It’s the natural result of living in a world that only seems to reward one way of being: non-stop action, forward momentum, and stuff you can measure.

For ages, people have talked about two basic modes of human energy. It’s not about gender at all, so let’s get that out of the way. Think of them as two sides of a coin that everyone has. One side is the ‘Doing’ mode—it’s the energy we use to build, focus, and get things done. It’s what helps you nail a deadline or assemble that piece of IKEA furniture. The other side is the ‘Being’ mode. This is the energy of creating, connecting, and just letting things unfold. It’s cyclical and intuitive, and it’s what we need to form deep friendships or recover from a tough week.

The problem? Our modern culture has basically put the ‘Doing’ mode on a golden pedestal while calling the ‘Being’ mode lazy or unproductive. This imbalance is the real reason so many of us feel fried. This guide isn’t about ditching your ambition. It’s about integration—learning to use both modes so you can be both effective and actually feel good about it.

The Real Science Behind It: A Quick Look at Your Nervous System

To really get this, we need to pop the hood and look at our own biology. These two energy modes aren’t just abstract ideas; they have direct parallels in your autonomic nervous system, the part of you that runs your survival responses. Understanding this is what makes these tips more than just fluffy self-care.

Your ‘Doing’ mode lines up perfectly with the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS). This is your body’s gas pedal. When you’re facing a challenge, the SNS pumps you full of adrenaline and cortisol. Your heart races, muscles get tight, and you’re laser-focused. It’s the classic ‘fight-or-flight’ response, and honestly, it’s a lifesaver for short-term pushes. But when you live there 24/7, it leads to chronic stress, anxiety, and total burnout. It’s like flooring the gas pedal all day, every day. Eventually, the engine is going to give out.

Your ‘Being’ mode, on the other hand, is tied to your Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS). This is your brake pedal. When you feel safe and connected, the PNS lets your body ‘rest and digest.’ Your heart rate slows, your breathing gets deeper, and your body can finally focus on healing and recharging. This is where real creativity sparks, where intuition speaks up, and where you connect with people. It’s not lazy—it’s essential restoration.

So, how can you tell which state you’re in right now? Try a quick body check:

• When your ‘gas pedal’ (Sympathetic) is on, you might feel: Tense shoulders or a tight jaw, shallow breathing that comes from your chest, racing thoughts, a nagging sense of urgency, and a hard time sitting still.
• When your ‘brake pedal’ (Parasympathetic) is on, you might feel: Deeper breaths that move your belly, a relaxed jaw, a softer focus with your eyes, and a general sense of calm or spaciousness in your body.

The goal isn’t to live on the brake pedal. The goal is to develop nervous system flexibility—the ability to hit the gas when you need it, but also to deliberately hit the brakes to rest, repair, and reconnect.

Practical Ways to Find Your Balance

These aren’t quick fixes, by the way. They’re practices. The people who see real change are the ones who treat these as essential maintenance, not just another chore on the to-do list. I’d suggest picking one or two that speak to you and trying them out for a couple of weeks.

1. Shift from Rigid Control to Smart Flexibility

So many high-achievers have a death grip on control. They plan every single minute and feel a wave of anxiety if things go off-script. This is just a symptom of an overworked nervous system trying to manage a perceived threat of chaos.

I once worked with a project manager who was a genius at planning, but her super-rigid schedules were stressing everyone out and couldn’t adapt to real-world surprises. We didn’t throw out her plans; we just adjusted them with a concept I call ’70/30 planning.’ She’d schedule the must-do tasks for 70% of her team’s time, but the other 30% was left open as ‘responsive time.’ It was a buffer for problem-solving, collaboration, or just absorbing life’s curveballs. The result? Less friction and better outcomes.

How to try this yourself:

• Plan Your Week at 70%: If you have 40 hours, only schedule 28 hours of concrete tasks. The rest is for dealing with what comes up.
• And if that feels impossible? I get it. Some jobs are just relentless. If 70/30 makes you laugh, start with 95/5. Seriously. Block out just 30-60 minutes in your entire week as unscheduled ‘responsive time.’ The point is to create a tiny crack for the light to get in, not to overhaul your life overnight.
• Practice Letting Go (in small ways): Let your friend pick the movie. Take a different route home without checking your map. Build your tolerance for uncertainty in low-stakes situations.

Quick tip: If the idea of letting go feels genuinely terrifying, that’s okay. For some, control was a survival tool. If that’s you, start incredibly small and consider talking to a therapist who can help you feel safe as you gently expand your comfort zone.

2. Practice the Lost Art of Actively Receiving

Our ‘Doing’ mode is all about giving and producing. But the ‘Being’ mode is about receiving, and most of us are terrible at it. We deflect compliments, turn down help, and feel guilty when we’re not contributing. This just reinforces the idea that our worth is tied to our output.

The Pro Technique: The Three-Second Pause. When someone offers you a compliment or help, your gut reaction might be to brush it off. Instead, try this:

1. Pause. Just stop. Take one full breath. Do nothing for three seconds.
2. Make Eye Contact. Look at the person. This actually helps activate your social connection system.
3. Accept Clearly. Say a simple, “Thank you, I appreciate that,” or “Yes, thank you, that would be a huge help.”

A common pitfall: This is going to feel awkward at first. You’re breaking a deep social script, and the other person might even seem surprised. That’s normal! Just smile. The goal isn’t to control their reaction; it’s to practice your own ability to receive. I promise, it gets less weird with time.

3. Get Into ‘Useless’ Creativity (It’s More Useful Than You Think)

Even our creativity is often tied to a goal: write the blog post, sell the painting, launch the podcast. That’s still the ‘Doing’ mind at work. To find balance, we need to create just for the sake of it, with no outcome in mind.

I had to learn this the hard way. My own writing was so tied to deadlines that my creative well ran completely dry. I had to intentionally start what I call ‘useless creativity.’ I went to Target and bought a cheap watercolor set for under $10 and spent 15 minutes a day just watching colors bleed together on paper. I had zero intention of making a ‘good’ painting. The lack of a goal was the whole point. And within weeks, my professional writing felt more imaginative. I had refilled the well.

Try a 10-Minute Play Date:

• Grab something low-stakes. You can find a small block of air-dry clay for about $8 at a craft store, or just use a pen and paper.
• Not an artsy person? No problem. The goal isn’t art. You could just tinker with an old gadget, try to identify the different instruments in a song, or rearrange rocks in your garden.
• Set a timer for 10 minutes. The only rule is: there is no goal. You can’t fail.

4. Learn to Trust Your Gut (Without Being Reckless)

Intuition gets a bad rap for being ‘woo-woo,’ but neurologically, it’s just your brain’s incredible ability for high-speed pattern recognition. Your subconscious is constantly processing data from past experiences and subtle cues. That ‘gut feeling’ is a valid piece of information.

But wait… how do you tell the difference between a true gut feeling and just plain old anxiety? It’s a great question. Here’s a little trick: Intuition often feels quiet, clear, and oddly neutral—like a calm ‘knowing.’ Anxiety, on the other hand, usually feels loud, frantic, and comes with a whole dramatic story of ‘what ifs’ and worst-case scenarios.

The ‘Check and Verify’ Method: The trick is to use your intuition as a starting point, not a final command. Before, I’d get a weird gut feeling about a potential project but ignore it because everything looked good on paper… and it would almost always end in disaster. Now, I use that feeling as a cue. Here’s the process:

1. Acknowledge the Feeling: Don’t dismiss it. Just state it. “My gut is telling me something is off with this deal.”
2. Engage Your Analytical Mind: Now, investigate it. “Okay, what specific questions can I ask to confirm or deny this feeling? Let me double-check their references. Let me ask about their previous collaborations.”
3. Integrate the Findings: Use your logical mind to find the evidence that your intuition first sniffed out. This practice builds trust in yourself and helps you make decisions using the whole picture.

Final Thoughts & A Gentle Warning

It’s good to remember that this whole imbalance isn’t just in our heads; it’s baked into our culture. Many modern, industrialized societies are built almost entirely on ‘Doing’ energy—competition and individual achievement. So if you feel like you’re swimming against the tide when you try to rest, it’s because you are. Give yourself some grace.

And a quick but important note: Please be gentle with yourself. These practices can sometimes bring up stored emotions. Our patterns of over-control are often brilliant strategies we developed to protect ourselves. If you start these exercises and feel overwhelmed by anxiety or other strong feelings, don’t force it. It’s your system telling you it needs more support. If you have a history of trauma, I’d strongly recommend doing this kind of work with a trauma-informed therapist.

Finding balance isn’t a finish line you cross. It’s a lifelong practice of knowing when to push and when to just let go and float. Ready to give it a try?

Your 7-Day Balance Challenge:

• Day 1: Three times today, just pause and notice your breath. Is it shallow or deep? No need to change it, just notice.
• Day 2: Let someone else make one small, low-stakes decision for you (like what to have for lunch).
• Day 3: Do a 5-minute ‘useless’ activity. Doodle, hum, whatever. No goals allowed!
• Day 4: Practice the ‘Three-Second Pause’ once when someone offers you something (even just a compliment).
• Day 5: Take a different route on your commute or walk, just to see what happens.
• Day 6: Notice one ‘gut feeling’ today. You don’t have to act on it, just acknowledge it.
• Day 7: Schedule 15 minutes of ‘do nothing’ time in your calendar and honor it. Yes, really.

Inspirational Gallery

According to Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, cues of safety are the prerequisite for healing and connection.

This is more than just feeling emotionally secure; it’s a physiological state. When your nervous system is stuck in high-alert ‘Doing’ mode, it’s biologically scanning for threats, not opportunities for rest. Creating safety isn’t passive. It’s an active process of providing your body with signals of security—like the warmth of a blanket, the calming voice of a friend, or even the rhythmic purr of a pet—which allows the switch to the restorative ‘Being’ state.

But how do I calm my racing mind when I’m supposed to be resting?

Instead of forcing stillness, try a ‘body-first’ approach. The racing mind is often a symptom of trapped energy in the body. Before meditating, try 5 minutes of ‘somatic shaking’. Stand with soft knees and gently shake your arms, legs, and torso. This practice helps discharge excess adrenaline and cortisol from the muscles, giving the nervous system a physical ‘all-clear’ signal. It’s a way to bypass the anxious thoughts and communicate directly with your physiology, making true rest more accessible.

• Spend five minutes listening to a piece of music without doing anything else.
• Slowly drink a cup of herbal tea, focusing only on the warmth and taste. We recommend a chamomile or passionflower blend.
• Lie on the floor with your legs up the wall to promote lymphatic drainage and calm the nervous system.

The secret isn’t finding more time; it’s about weaving these tiny, restorative moments of ‘Being’ into the fabric of your day.

Your sensory environment is a powerful tool. To encourage your system to downshift, create a dedicated ‘decompression zone’. Swap harsh overhead lighting for the soft glow of a Himalayan salt lamp. Use a high-quality essential oil diffuser, like those from Saje or Vitruvi, with grounding scents. Try three drops of lavender and one drop of vetiver. This combination of soft light and calming aroma creates a predictable, safe cue for your brain and body to transition from ‘fight-or-flight’ to ‘rest-and-digest’.

Structured Journaling: This can feel like another ‘Doing’ task, focused on productivity and goals.

Unstructured Doodling: This is a ‘Being’ activity. Take a pen and paper with no objective other than to let your hand move. Draw circles, lines, or abstract shapes. The non-goal-oriented movement and focus on sensation can be deeply regulating for a system tired of constant achievement.